the more you try to be certain about something, the more uncertain and insecure you will feel. But the converse is true as well: the more you embrace being uncertain and not knowing, the more comfortable you will feel in knowing what you don’t know.
I recently read something that resonated deeply:
“the more you try to be certain about something, the more uncertain and insecure you will feel. But the converse is true as well: the more you embrace being uncertain and not knowing, the more comfortable you will feel in knowing what you don’t know.”
Mark Manson “The subtle art of not giving a f*ck”
It took me quite a lot to get to the point of accepting some level of uncertainty. I am still practicing... Somehow the miracle happened - I even started to enjoy a bit of “let’s see”…
How did it happen?
Give up on knowing it all
If I managed the skill to some extent, means you can do it too. I was the Queen of knowing it, I just knew it all. Good all times…that brought me more troubles than piece, so it took some time but I discovered I had to do something about it. Knowing it all didn’t satisfy me anymore, I witnessed my colleagues and team members disliking the approach. And yes, I wanted and still want people to like me and want to work with me.
So I decided it’s time to give up, not because I felt the “deeper calling”, but because I wanted to achieve results and be surrounded by people who wanted to and enjoyed working with me. Finding that out was liberating.
Exercise not judging
First of all, train yourself to recognize when you are judging. It’s not easy at first, but to judge less the only way to do it is to practice. The success is an outcome of the exercise.
The process goes a bit like this:
“I just know that what this person is saying cannot be trusted because he reminds me of a Joe Doe in my previous job…. Surely the same profile….” (panic) How many of you are thinking of all the colleagues you didn’t like to work with right now? A few, hopefully…
How about this? - The more you insist of making links with previous colleague, the more you will see evidences that you are right. But is it really so, or your mind is playing a protection trick. It’s a vicious circle of your perception and reality.
Give it a try to take off the glasses of your previous experience. You might be surprised. Or you will come to the same conclusion, but at least you are clear tried and you practice embarking the uncertainty.
Know what you really want and then plan options rather than details
It helped me a lot when I started to plan several options. People might say that I change my mind, yet I see it as potential options to get to what really matters. And by focusing on what really matters, detaches me from the details of the plan. The initial step is knowing what really matters to you in life. What is your purpose? What do you want to do? What kind of life you want to be living?
At the end, I aim myself towards what really matters to me and choose the moral and ethical way to get there. And there are many ethical and moral ways to choose from.
There are many conclusions and ways to close this article, and I chose one to leave it a bit open. I find energy in a variety of options and opportunities. And no, I am not a disloyal employee, friend or client. I just like freedom to choose.